Solitaire
by danrdarrenc
Summary: Adult Snape's feelings about Lily as he looks at a picture of the two of them. Oneshot, songfic based on "Solitaire" by Clay Aiken.


A man with long, black hair that parted in curtains around a pallid face sat in a dilapidated house at the end of a dark lane. The couch upon which he sat was dusty and old and seemed as if it was not often used. In front of the man sat a coffee table upon which an old photograph of a woman with long red hair and a boy who seemed to be a younger version of the man on the couch lay. It was at this picture that the man was staring and, unconsciously, he let a tear slide down his cheek. One looking in on the scene would not be able to tell why the long haired man was crying, or about whom, but once inside, it was easy to tell that the man loved the woman in the photo very much and, perhaps, longed to be back in the time when the picture was taken. Whether he cried for a time long past, the woman's death, or his unrequited love of her, or all three, one did not know. Only the man knew what was deep in his heart, and for what he spilled his tears.

**There was a man**

**A lonely man**

**Who lost his love**

**Through his indifference**

Memories flashed in Severus Snape's head as he stared at the photo of him and Lily Evans. He thought of all those times that he had been so close to telling Lily that he loved her, but something had always stopped him. What had it been? Fear that she did not feel the same the way? Fear that the Slytherins would have chastised him for loving her? Or was it fear that she might have loved him back and that he would disappoint her? Even to this day he did not know what had prevented him from expressing his feelings, but that his silence had caused him to die a little inside every day.

**A heart that cared**

**That went unshared**

**Until it died**

**In his silence**

**And Solitaire's the only game in town**

**And every road that takes him takes him down**

**And by himself it's easy to pretend**

**He'll never love again**

**And keeping to himself he plays the game**

**Without her love it always ends the same**

**While life goes on around him everywhere**

**He's playing Solitaire**

Everyday since he had spoken the unforgivable word – Mudblood – his life had been lonely and unbearable. He could not stand having her hate him, but he could not muster up enough courage to tell her sorry, though he was sure that it would not have mattered. Maybe Potter was right; he was a coward, but not for the reasons that he thought. Even now he could not sleep, could not forgive himself for pushing away Lily Evans. She had been what had given him strength when his parents had fought, when all the kids at school, especially James Potter whom she had married, had tormented him. And without her he was alone and heartbroken.

**Another day**

**A lonely day**

**So much to say**

**Goes unspoken**

**And through the night**

**His sleepless nights**

**His eyes are closed**

**His heart is broken**

**And Solitaire's the only game in town**

**And every road that takes him takes him down**

**And by himself it's easy to pretend**

**She's coming back again**

**And keeping to himself he plays the game**

**Without her love it always ends the same**

**While life goes on around him everywhere**

**He's playing Solitaire**

And when he had asked Voldemort to spare Lily Potter's life it had been his last hope that he would be able to redeem himself in her eyes, but she had died to save her son. And while Harry Potter lived and he, Severus Snape, did all in his power to keep Lily's son alive hoping that somehow she would know and forgive all that he had done to her, he could not help but notice that people everywhere around him went on with their lives. He himself could do nothing but sit in a living room that he had hated so much as a boy and stare at a photo of the woman he had betrayed but always loved.

**A little hope**

**Goes up in smoke**

**Just how it goes**

**Goes without saying**

**Solitaire**

**And by himself it's easy to pretend**

**He'll never love again**

**Oh, and keeping to himself he plays the game**

**Without her love it always ends the same**

**While life goes on around him everywhere**

**He's playing solitaire**

**Solitaire**

**Solitaire**

4


End file.
